Twinks and older guys
Silver daddies: Why do young elder men like older partners?
You’ve probably heard of “sugar daddies.” Or “the internet’s daddy,” Pedro Pascal. Stereotypes of this popular term abound, but what does it actually mean to be a “daddy”? And who is most likely to engage in age-gap relationships, and why?
Daddies of a Different Kind, published today by UBC sociologist and assistant professor Dr. Tony Silva (he/him), analyzes the stories of gay and bisexual daddies and asks why younger adult men are interested in older men for sex and relationships.
We spoke to Dr. Silva about his findings.
What is a daddy and why were you interested in studying them?
Many people think of a daddy as a desirable, confident older man who may be paired with a younger partner. The term has gained popularity in recent years, and while it is used in the context of heterosexual, gay or bisexual relationships, research across the Western world shows that age-gap relationships are far more prevalent among gay and bisexual men than any other group. I was interested in finding out why, and learning more
Most of the aging process doesn’t scare me. The idea of having gray hair is stimulating, so long as I still have hair when that period comes. I think my beam lines make me look dashing in some lights. (In others, like Annabelle.) I have no reason to touch my toes, so no biggie there. If I end up aging anything like my mother, I’ll possess close to zero complaints.
What does scares me though, is the idea of being an aged twink. Here's a crash course for my beloved straight readers: In the gay community, there are different sub-categories of gays. I’m not exactly sure how they came to be, but surely it has something to do with the innate demand to group things together by category. (Think #organizationporn.) Whatever the reason, a multitude of factors play into how you’re sorted, but by large, they appear down to your age and body type.
A twink is a young, skinny, typically hairless immature gay man like Justin Beiber.
A bear is an older, heavier set gay man with ample body and facial hair prefer Ron Offerman.
An otter is fancy a bear but leaner verb Zachary Quinto.
Those are just three
Types
Some gay men use types to describe, identify and communicate themselves. Who hasn't heard someone state “he’s my type" or been asked if a guy is yours? There is always some disagreement around the terms we use and whether we should use them at all.
Therefore, you should be sensitive if applying a type to someone, bearing in mind some gay men reject them altogether as confined, superficial, and demeaning. Equally, some use types affectionately and as a convenient shorthand.
It's a bit of a bear pit (no pun intended), but here's our take on types, though you are perfectly entitled to cast them out and be your own gay, your own homo, queer, etc.
Physical types and personal characteristics
Some guys are primarily attracted to physical types of gay men (eg: bears, twinks, and muscle guys) while some uncover characteristics in men most attractive (eg: warmth, intelligence, and humour). Others mix and match and understanding these distinctions is important.
For example, the type(s) of men we find attractive sexually may not necessarily be the qualities we are looking for to sust
In defence of ageing twinks
There is a spectre haunting the gay community: the ‘ageing twink’. He is an object of pity and scorn; tragi-comic and embittered, desperately clinging on to something, occasionally drug-ravaged or otherwise scarred by excess. There are countless Reddit threads where people talk about his unfortunate fate and how one might escape it: these conversations are staggeringly bleak, with some approaching the idea with vindictive relish and others, clearly anxious twinks themselves, engaging in something approaching digital self-harm; anticipating their own bodily decay and permanent banishment from the world of desire. The ageing twink is mocked in front-facing comedy TikToks: “one day, you’ll miss your charm, you’ll be a husk just like me” hisses one year-old character, while another bemoans that “23 is 40 in twink years”.
This idea that there’s something pitiful about being an ageing gay man has a long legacy. Take Jacques, the middle-aged gay man in James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room (): “In some ways I liked him,” reflects the narrator. “He was silly bu