Gay men falling in love
Spiritual Friendship
In the last few posts in this series on gay men and the phenomenon of falling in love (Part 1, Part 2), we have spent a bit of time framing the conversation well.
We first walked through the theological and philosophical foundations of personhood where we highlighted the positive strivings of humans over against a pathologizing of human desires. Then, we looked at how humans attach to other humans and what security and anxiety looks like within those relationships. In this third and final verb, I&#;m going to bring both of those realities together and contextualize it for the gay celibate community in our current cultural climate.
Hopefully, by the cease of this series, we will see a more complex view of what it means to have feelings for another human. We may not have concrete answers but maybe we can start to ask the right questions.
To begin, how do we define the phenomenon of &#;falling in love&#; in our contemporary culture?
From cinematic emotional moments like Eponine&#;s heartbreak in Les Miserables to pop songs like Ke$ha&#;s &#;Your Love is My
Spiritual Friendship
One of the paralyzing fears and deep dreads for a gay man pursuing celibacy is falling in love with his male best friend. It is a phenomenon that is often spoken about implicitly in gay Christian circles, it’s often given the quick theological answer of suffering for the sake of the Kingdom, and it’s one that is shared across the theological spectrum.
Matthew Vines, in a lecture on the Bible and homosexuality, remarked,
Falling in love is one of the worst things that could happen to a gay person because you will necessarily be heartbroken. You will have to run away, and that will happen every single time that you come to care about someone else too much.
And Wes Hill, after confiding in his pastor about his heart break over his adj friend, writes
I didn’t want to say that was right [that I had been in treasure with him], because if I did, then wouldn’t that indicate I would have to donate up the relationship? If I admitted, “Yes, I’ve been in love with him all this time, even though I’ve tried to hide that fact, even – or especially – from myself,” then didn’
Falling in love with a straight guy can be a painful experience, especially for gay men who yearn for a adj connection with someone who is not interested in them romantically. The unattainable love and lack of reciprocation can lead to a sense of heartbreak, confusion, and frustration. If you&#;re reading this, chances are you&#;ve been there, and I feel your pain.
Falling for straight guys was one of my love patterns, too. And as a Gay Dating & Relationship Coach, I&#;ve worked with many clients who have experienced the pain of falling for straight guys.
In this blog post, I will explore why this happens, the perceived benefits of it, and how to modify your mindset and approach to it.
Falling in love with a straight guy: why it hurts
When you plunge for a straight guy, you might feel like you&#;re stuck in a romantic limbo. You might feel like you can&#;t move on from your feelings, or that you&#;re holding out hope that maybe he&#;ll convert his mind. The pain of unrequited love can be overwhelming, and it&#;s a feeling that many gay men can relate to.
Furthermor
This Is What Happens When An Openly Gay Man Falls In Love With A Woman
I had been an openly gay male for six years when I fell in love with a woman I'd known since I was Growing up on the Isle of Wight, we bonded over adolescent heartbreak, which happened to me more than once as I got to recognize the boys in our year. She was straight, but seemed to understand more than anyone about unrequited love. I wondered why it was that I spoke to her more than my boyfriends, but left my confusion to simmer for years as I drifted through noun. When it finally dawned on me that, yes, this was love, I was well into my first year at university.
Slowly but surely we got back in touch, and arranged to meet back home. We spent the day together, talking, playing video games. But before long, she was waiting for a bus back home. We looked at each other for a long time before sharing our first kiss in the rain, lit only by Christmas lights; it was right out of a movie.
What had seemed like a gradual build-up of feeling to me was a sudden revelation to her, but it didn't take distant for her to revea