Gay polyamorous relationship
LGBTQ Polyamory: What Works?
Are you curious about polyamory? I interviewed some of our therapists who are specialists in working with polyamorous families at the Gay Therapy Center. Here they share some of their insights for what works in polyamory.
Why Are People Drawn to LGBTQ Polyamory?
Polyamory is essentially about loving more than one person at a time.
“Polyamory is not about sex or the number of partners. At its core, polyamory is about a philosophy to remove the barriers in our heart in the ways we give and receive love,” says Justin Natoli, MFT, a psychotherapist at the Los Angeles Gay Therapy Center.
Justin goes on to say, “I believe humans are meant to receive love by a tribe, to be deeply connected to group support. Much of our current culture lacks that sense of connection. When we are removed from a tribe, symptoms like addiction, anxiety, or depression can increase.”
Katie Hauser, LCSW, a psychotherapist at the Brooklyn Gay Therapy Center says, “For people who identify as polyamorous it can feel like an essential part of who they are. It’s a filter through wh
One definition of conservatism is "Commitment to traditional values and ideas with opposition to change or innovation."
Lots of straight friends assumed the gay community would be uniformly welcoming of my throuple. We knew otherwise—poly friends had been rebuked by gay men before. As news of our family reached gay fatherhood Facebook groups, comments echoed conservative and religious arguments against gay marriage and other rights:
“Where does it end?? We have grown men who are pedophiles saying that having a relationship with a child is ok and it’s their lifestyle and people should accept that about them. … Now they want recognition and want to be able to marry a child! We should just allow that too?? … Ummmm NO!”
“Now we gotta deal with the crazies on the right AGAIN who said if they allow same sex marriage then eventually your going to have people wanting to bond multiple partners, people wanting to marry animals, and etc. … do we really need to give the people against us a new reason to verb us, bully us, and chastise us??”
There’s absolutely no relationship betwe
I’ve held this personal bias (irrational judgment?) against non-monogamous relationships for years.
I’ve had two open relationships in the past and both ended badly. But I also happen to have several really good friends who are either in or have explored relationships beyond monogamy, which are generally more common in the queer community. So, I often discover myself bumping up against my subconscious judgments of people who I respect and love simply for having a relationship arrangement that didn’t work out for me.
Recently, I decided it was finally time I confront my bias head-on and hear some friends out on their experiences with non-monogamy: the good, the bad, and the beautiful.
SEE ALSO: 7 people on what it’s really like to be polyamorous
First, I was curious why it seemed so many queers just couldn’t seem to keep it in their pants, even after deciding to commit. Make no mistake, monogamous relationships are still the standard, regardless of how you identify. However, a recent study suggests 30% of gay men are actively in non-monogamous relationships. Some might even arg
Didyouknow polyamory is all the rage now? This is a interrogate three different people have asked me in just the past month alone. Whether they asked it in jest, somehow rhetorically, or in all seriousness, I knew the answer: Yes. Yes, it kinda is.
The first polyamorous 'unit' I met was over 10 years ago. It consisted of a primary couple, in which each partner had a secondary boyfriend. I met three of the four of the unit in Fire Island, although they were all based in the DC-metro area, where, in the gay community at least, there seems to be a growing number of unique arrangements involving more than two partners.
This particular unit had all sorts of rules. For example, the primaries could have sex with each other or with their respective secondaries, but the secondaries could not have sex with each other or with their non-primary. And if one of the primaries was dwelling, then his secondary could nap in bed with him. But if both primaries were noun, then it was sofa municipality for the secondaries!
I recall sitting at dinner with three-fourths of the unit and with five or si